I lost a mate this week

Mental Health is complex and debilitating to the ones whos are inflicted
With it. It doesn’t show itself on the outside of the sufferer and there is little understanding or support generally in the workplace and even in the communities wherever they go. Many who self harm suffer such pain and desperation and yet even to love ones it goes unseen. I am speaking from the heart when i say much more needs to be done around regional areas. We need to learn much more about the particular illness our love may have to support them. The worse thing we can say to the one who has confided is “she’ll be right mate” because that person knows it it’ll never be right. Give them your love and stay in touch no matter how.

Thanks Ian for the thoughts – thoughts we are all thinking – why this guy? Why throw such a fabulous life away – stay strong stay focused on the potential to make change for other men dnd especially the kids – hugs G

Thankyou for opening conversation Ian with your usual warmth and flair. I’ve hestitatied in responding but cant get Shane off my mind. If ever there was a man who seemed to tick all boxes for ‘least likely’ to end his life, surely it was him. I find inadequate some of the oft repeated advice for those suffering such anguish; reach out to close friends; see a counsellor … he did so. I recently asked Shane how he was going, as we sat together at a jolly tourism gig which you chaired. He was pretty fine with problems like everybody. But if he had said ‘I cant go on anymore’, what would I have done?

Beautifully put Ian. Unfortunately this is an issue that touches too many of us.
Take care of yourself.

Thank you.

Ian, your words are incredible and so accurately describe the anguish and disbelief I am feeling. I still can’t quite believe this has happened. We have lost a great man. I am so sad for his close friends and family and I pray that if anyone of them need support they know that my door and arms are open.

Firstly…..thank you Ian for sharing your story…..it DOES need to be talked about & I think more so now than ever…..life is going too fast for many of us & some just want to “get off the bus”!…..if the conductor notices anything amiss he could ask…”R U OK” & maybe you might sit & have a talk.
The “Conductor” being possibly Friends,Family,Neighbours & sometimes even complete strangers.
The BIG MESSAGE to put out there is…..”YOU ARE NOT ALONE”
Many years ago when my first marriage blew up in my face….I briefly contemplated suicide & in discussing my feelings with my Family Law Court psychologist she told me….when she was 12 yrs.old her mother had left the family & her father committed suicide…..imagine the trauma…..she then told me that suicide is the most selfish act you could perform…..you`re home & hosed…but what about those left behind.
I have always been a community minded person…having been a blood donor for over 30 yrs..been a carer & done palliative care AND a couple of suicide awareness & St.Johns 1st.Aid courses…Imagine how I felt when one night,just before having dinner with friends,I saw on the news about a murder,suicide,with footage of a kids sandpit with a couple of Tonka trucks in it… My heart nearly stopped & tears gushed from my eyes, because just the afternoon before I had had coffee with a friend at his home & on leaving had noticed the Tonka trucks in the sand pit.
He was a very highly thought of member of the community & a real decent bloke with two small children & a new house…he`d sent the kids to a nearby neighbor with a note,then shot his wife then himself……I was gutted to think I hadn`t picked up on anything, although he was a quiet taciturn bloke…we had talked about his marital problems…his wife having left him but had brought the kids to see him for Fathers Day…she had an ongoing affair with one of his “friends”…..but sometimes you just never know what tips the scales.

What a lovely tribute to your mate. To all who take their own life you are stronger than you think you are to be able to feel like there is no hope and then have the strength to do it shows a lot of guts and determination something that I did not have at my lowest time. At times like this when we lose someone close it is sometimes so hard to deal with the grief you think you might just die as well.

Thank you for your brave words Ian. I too am filled with deep sadness knowing that this inspirational person is no longer part of our community. If he had been able to experience our grief he would never, never have made this choice.

Here are some words from my funeral service for those who left this earth in this way. I hope they bring some form of relief.

“We don’t ever totally understand an act such as this – this taking of one’s own life. Suicide is a hard word to say. But we must say it, so that in time we can accept it. And even in the midst of our grief we can respect it as a choice – some say the ultimate choice of self-determination. This respect doesn’t come easily but it can break upon us like sunlight shafting through a troubled sky.

It is only natural that we torture ourselves by going over and over again the chain of events leading up to the taking of this life. We wonder, were we attentive enough? Were messages being given? Were there cries for help we didn’t hear? Could we have intervened?

Frustration is real. Every fibre of our bodies is poised to fight or run; but we only have shadows to contend with, and there is nowhere to flee.
We feel anger, too – especially the anger of abandonment. This is the fate of those left behind, who must seek to understand and incorporate such a tragic loss into their living. Our mourning will be troubled and conflicted; we know because it already is.

A person is not just one moment or even a few moments, rather the sum of all moments. Let us not remember them for the choice he made to end their life. Let us strive to remember them as the whole person who lived.”

Take care.

So sad. This tragic loss raises so many questions. I don’t know the circumstances here but in my own family I see the stress people are subjected to by their employers. Many people are working way too many unpaid hours. There’s also a culture of keeping up with the standard of living we feel our families should enjoy. Love to those feeling the loss of a loved one, a valued friend. I think we can only keep working to make the world a kinder place.