The Ashes Gabba Test is shaping up to be more of the same. Photo: Wikimedia Commons.
So, an Ashes series once again billed as the ‘greatest ever’ is all but over after just two days of cricket, leaving couch potatoes to contemplate golf or tennis for entertainment over the summer.
Given there hasn’t been a competitive contest for the Urn on Australian shores in more than 40 years, we should not have been surprised.
Ashes series hosted in England are often competitive and exciting, but not down here. The visitors haven’t won a single test on these shores in 15 years.
It’s hard to justify why they’re granted a full five-test series when even the World Test Champions South Africans only get three.
This current Ashes series score is only 1-0 with four tests to play, but anyone who understands cricket can easily predict what happens from here.
The Perth Test was England’s best chance to win; they had a full-strength side, and the hosts were missing star bowlers Pat Cummins and Josh Hazlewood. Nevertheless, the Poms got themselves in what seemed to be an impregnable position before recklessly throwing their wickets away and falling in a heap.
This proved awful for fans looking forward to a lazy Sunday of spectating and a disaster for Cricket Australia, which lost more than $3 million in revenue and had to refund tickets for Days 3 and 4.
Rather than regain form during a practice match in Canberra, England chose to rest all their test players and ride e-scooters around Brisbane without helmets.
From here, the hosts will get stronger and the visitors weaker. Cummins and Hazlewood will return at some point, while England’s gun bowler Mark Wood is injured (perhaps he fell off his scooter?) Jofra Archer will no doubt join him on the sidelines soon after running out of puff in Perth.
There’s a real danger that the cricket calendar’s flagship events, the Melbourne Boxing Day and Sydney New Year tests, will be dead rubbers, as happens so often when the Mother Country tour.
England tend to quickly spiral when they fall behind on these shores, as they have in the last three series, which they’ve lost 5-0, 4-0 and 4-0 (disrespectively).
One-eyed Aussie cricket fans might enjoy pummelling the old enemy, but only up to a point – even they get bored with one-sided matches and consistently being shortchanged from non-contests that are supposed to last five days.
Overall, the Poms have only won six tests in Australia since 1990.
Funnily enough, their only two series wins Down Under in recent memory, in 1986/87 and 2010/11, were lopsided in favour of them, so we have to go all the way back to 1982/83 to find a gripping series when the destination of the Urn was still undecided going into the final test.
But most of the time it’s England spoiling the party, coming to this country unprepared, playing lethargic cricket and sulking off back home with their tails between their legs.
As pundits keep pumping up the ‘blockbuster’ Ashes summer, the more honest question isn’t who will lift the Urn, but why we keep pretending the script will change.
Unless England suddenly learns how to bat for longer than an average podcast episode, the only real suspense left is guessing how many tickets Cricket Australia will need to refund next time.
Original Article published by Oliver Jacques on Region Canberra.
