Goulburn TAFE NSW teacher Wendy Reilly is offering people a course to help them help others when the time comes to die. Photo: TAFE NSW.
A long-time nurse and teacher at TAFE NSW, Wendy Reilly of Goulburn says she is not easily shocked.
But learning and then teaching a course about dying has changed her thinking about the inevitability of death, or impermanence and not being here forever.
Midwifing Death – Life Around Death is an eight-week short course starting in March that includes two hours a week of online learning and a one-day, face-to-face workshop, known as a Death Cafe.
“It’s really about opening up the conversation around death and helping someone be a friend or a carer to a person who might be at the end of life,” Ms Reilly said.
“It’s designed for anyone who might have a connection with someone who is dying, whether in the family, friends or someone who volunteers at a palliative care unit,” she said. “The truth is we are all going to die and it’s healthy to be able to talk about it.”
She said people saw birth and having someone there to support the mother as a normal part of life which we were all comfortable with, but another aspect of life which was guaranteed was death.
“To have somebody with us and alongside of us in death can be one of the most amazing things both for the (dying) person actually and midwife, for a better word. You could use the word friend,” she said.
Retired palliative care doctor and author of Caring for the Dying, Dr Michael Barbato, who ran a similar course himself for two decades, has given the course to TAFE.
As the population continues to age, Ms Reilly said experts were eager to change attitudes about the end-of-life care process and educate families on what caring for a dying relative looked like.
She said the course asked students to examine their own beliefs and values around death and what was meant by a “good death”, as well as looking at the concept of “healing spaces”.
TAFE NSW graduate Sophie Bartho says caring for a loved one in those final months, weeks and days is the most profoundly human experience and can help in the grieving process. Photo: TAFE NSW.
Previous graduate of the course Sophie Bartho said it armed her with the language, skills and knowledge to have conversations with loved ones about death and to be more at ease about the prospect of death.
Ms Reilly said the course was conversational; there are no assessments, tests, or competencies around it. Recommended reading includes the work of Michael Barbato.
She said being with someone who was dying was termed “holding space” referring to the connection of humans. “Just being with that person, hearing them, listening to them, acknowledging them, validating them, perhaps holding their hand if that is appropriate – it may or may not be – just being in their zone, if you like,” Ms Reilly said.
“It’s all about caring for others but it is so much about self, because to be able to ‘hold space’ with someone who is dying, you need to know how you feel about it yourself,” she said.
Ms Reilly says in some cultures people don’t talk about death before they die, so the idea of being open, honest and planning for death can be quite confronting.
Where to die, either at home or in hospital or some other place, is also discussed in the course.
“Some people find it’s a privilege to be told that they have a certain amount of time to live, because they can make plans or amends or tidy up loose ends or whatever else, if they want to,” she said.
The course covers creating documentation about your wishes for the end of your life which is called ‘advanced life directive’.
“Would you want medical intervention if you had a stroke for example, or left paralysed?” Ms Reilly said.
“You can document your preferences, take it to the hospital with you; you can have it on your fridge door,” she said. “It’s those around you who need to know what you want at the end of life because they are the ones who will be answering the questions,” she said.
Ms Reilly identified vulnerability as a key part of the process, being open to what may happen which can be unsettling for some people. Accepting vulnerability allowed a much easier process, although it did not rule out a struggle to hold on to life, she said.
“Everyone is affected by death and we are poorly equipped,” she said.
More information on the course can be found via TAFE NSW’s website.
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